What if we forget the idea of ‘the one’

Okay  – enough with the porn ranting (for now. don’t worry 2 people reading – there will be more at some stage i’m sure)

Anyhoo –
Since the statistics clearly show that the whole ‘until death do us part’ thing doesn’t fucking work – what if we take that part our of the equation. What if marriage become – let’s say – a contract you renew after 10 years?

Now if you got it right – and both parties are happy – you renew for another 20 years. Happily ever after blah blah.

But – if either party is unhappy at that point – the contract extends for 12 months – gives them time to fix things – therapy, whatever they need – then after that, they have the option to renew for the  20 years, or terminate the contract.

The stipulations for property division and custody are already in place beforehand, signed by both parties. Assets accumulated are divided and split 60/40 to the custodial parents – with each parent non voluntarily ‘investing’ a portion of their money to a trust for their kids if they apply. Parents contribute to this fund, and it pays out for schooling, medical, camp etc.

The thing is – a lifetime with one person – it’s a fucking long time. Never feeling that connection with someone new – new lips kissing yours…..new ideas and traits and things to fall in love with. It seems sort of depressing unless you’re one of the ‘lucky’ few who find the right person for them.

Maybe we’re meant to have more that ‘one great love’ (assuming that there is such a thing). And maybe that great love isn’t necessarily a person, an animal. It could be anything you’re passionate about i guess.

I just wonder – does looking for ‘the one’ put too much pressure on ourselves to make every relationship into a potential long term one  – even the ones that perhaps are best meant for what they are – enjoyable (usually…lol) intimate interludes along the great journey we define as ‘life’. Maybe if we took away the pressure to get it right, and gave people an out clause…either marriages would be happier and last longer, or people would get out of bad ones and not throw their lives away by being miserable.

Sanctioned second chance – starting over indeed.

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2 thoughts on “What if we forget the idea of ‘the one’

  1. Simon says:

    I like the idea of a matrimonial contract. I’d say ten years is too long for a first stint though, I’d go for three years first. Three years gives you time to get used to each other, work out whether or not you’re gonna be happy only kissing that one pair of lips, only ever seeing that one body etc. That’s also enough time to work out if you both want kids, because when the shit hits the fan during a marriage, the kids are the ones that suffer most.
    I personally don’t think that people are meant to spend all their lives together anyway. Once you’ve lived with someone for any length of time, you realize that you need your own space. A lot of it. If you’re lucky you’ll be with someone who gets that, and is happy for you both to have your own lives outside your relationship. If not, the one who wants the freedom and a separate life will grow resentful of their partner if they don’t want the same thing. Just my opinion anyway.

  2. I’ll throw a few cents in. I used to believe in death do you part. Well that was because I loved my wife. Don’t really know how long it may have lasted since well it ended with the till death part. Now the things I may point out is: Now that I am not married do I really want to fall in love with one person and be with only one person for the rest of my life? Hell, When I was married I had a few what if moments especially when both of us changed a bit. It was definetly anything like the time that we did fall in love.
    So with that thought just don’t fall in love. Simple right.
    Now if you are married and you do want to end this marriage. My only advice and it sounds bad is find another lover while you are married so you do not have that lull in between. Because I don’t care who you are and how upset you are that your marriage is ending. Sometimes being alone just sucks. This will affect your demeanor. Because if you are with someone I do believe that others are attracted to you more than if you are alone.
    I would say just tear up that contract if it isn’t happening it isn’t happening why waste any more time when you can be out there finding another mate. Like you said when you first meet someone that is when love is the strongest I think. Even if sometimes it is just puppy love. Beats being miserable with someone that may or may not want to still love you. Just remember that before you start dating that everyone you meet is disposable. The best advice and I never took it is “Do not get too attached.” Sometimes you can’t help it or it may show through to whoever you are with. They may think that you don’t really love them. Well if that is the case then so be it. NEXT! No attachment, no pain, no worries.
    Sorry I went a little long here.

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